Trusting Fate=Insomnia


Two for one kind of day. Just checked my lottery in case you are wondering no luck there yet. But the real reason I am on, is I can’t sleep, so very tired, too tired to concentrate on working and yet, can’t seem to relax enough to nod off. I hate when that happens. The brain is in overdrive, swirling around finances, problems that need money etc… I made a promise to myself and God that I would not worry, but what do you do when your brain is not cooperating? So instead of sleep, one side of my brains wants to worry the other wants to let it go, and so the ever internal argument, keeps me awake, with its silent noise! You know how they say, if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? Well, I am thinking if my brain is having an argument, why is it so loud? Only to me of course, no one else can tell my brain is a battlefield, just me. So I am thinking yes to the first one any way. Not sure how much sense that makes, but again I am tired and my brain won’t shut up to let my body sleep.

Once upon a time, life was so much simpler, I can’t figure out when everything got so bad. Don’t get me wrong I love life and am enjoying the adventure, just wondering why I never get a vacation. A small break to breath, and reflect. A moment to enjoy the fruits of my labor. It just seems like work and work and more work, and guess what not enough work, because there is never enough money to make ends meet, let alone get ahead. Then that vacation word, really since I was a child and lived at home, I have never had a vacation. Haven’t been traveling nothing, just work and work. Maybe I am being petty, I don’t know, it just seems that some people have all the luck, in a good way. All I am asking for is some of that, not being greedy, don’t have to have a life full of it, just finally after all my work a pay off. I am guessing some one out there feels the same, maybe even several some ones. Just the rambling thoughts of an insomniac.

I would prefer a good dream right now to this incessant explosion in my head. So I will sign off now and hope that my weary body will over rule my adrenaline pumped brain, and sleep will come swiftly and peacefully. That dreams of a better future, lay just moments from the pillow. That all my dreams, will finally come to fruition and when I wake all my world will be even more glorious than the dream I left behind. I think a smile and a hug, would help, but sometimes those are not available, like now. So maybe I will imagine that for starters to send me into blissful fantasies, of love, lust, success and glimpses of the loves of past, present and future. Clinging to each glimpse, savoring each moment, like watching the flutter of a butterflies wings, or the flash of a kaleidoscopes window. Beauty and peace, happiness and love all wrapped up in a surge of endorphins. Love to you all, and to all good night (I hope), diana

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