Injection of Sunlight Needed!

Been kind of an off day for me. I feel a little blah. Not quite myself, like feelings of sadness trying to envelope me. Not sure where these feelings are coming from. I could blame it on a million things, but not so sure it is any of those things. A big, black cloud hoovers on the edge of my mind, swirling masses of negativity, trying to force out the sunlight. I am not mad about it, or even annoyed. It is like a curiosity, but a fear too, afraid to see what is brewing that darkness. A bubble bath seems in order and some reflection, a hope that if I walk through the storm, good things will be waiting on the other side. A shot of sunshine would do me good I think, but I am wondering if that will only temporarily stay the gloom.

I wonder if these things are from my past hanging on, and returning to haunt me. Forcing me to do what I always tried to avoid, looking into the darkest corners of my mind. Afraid of what I might see in those dark places. I have always convinced myself that letting the past lie would be my best chance at creating something new and beautiful in its place. Now I wonder if it is like a new coat of paint over a stain, eventually it will bleed through. Even if I paint over it again, coming back at my best moments, to remind me of business not attended to. Do I really want to know what lurks there? At the same time, I am grown now, mentally, spiritually and emotionally, I need to trust myself to be able to handle whatever it is. Trust being the root of all my demons. Trusting myself, trusting in others, trusting in the system and even trusting in a higher power. Core issues, that can make or break me. So I must try.

Not sure how long it will take, but I will start on that journey now as well. I am determined to bring nothing but positive things into my life. Therefore I must be equally determined to get rid of the things that keep me chained to a world of fear and uncertainty. I feel calm and peaceful, I am happy and excited. I do not think it is a hopeless wandering, just more lessons. Learning is always the higher calling. Education of self should be foremost to any other learning. That being said, it has been put off long enough. Let the games begin, so to speak. Love to all who read this as always, will keep you posted………….d

PS, haven’t checked the lottery numbers yet, tomorrow is another day!

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